Wednesday was a good day at the bridge tables. In the afternoon I played with the same woman I played with on Monday night. After a rough first couple of rounds, which were thankfully only two boards each, we managed to find our rhythm. I wasn’t sure how we were doing overall, it was a bit hard to keep track with the short rounds and frequent changes in opponents (there were twelve and half tables). When the dust cleared though we were first overall with a good percentage.

Having only just sent an e-mail to my regular partner to brag tell him I was going to quit while I was ahead and take a nap before going to work, my cell phone rang. It was the director from the club in the city saying he needed one more person and so I hopped on a train. Playing with a new partner is always a bit of a challenge, but the gentleman I was paired with was a good player, very thoughtful in both his playing of the cards and his bidding. When I left the club to head to work, the director told me we were in third. It was a small game and I was disappointed because it didn’t feel like an average game. When I checked the club’s website later on though I saw we were in first. Of course, I was pleased at this turn of events, it had certainly felt like a first or second place finish.

I think the initial third place was as a result of a scoring mix-up either due to our pair number being out of sequence or the difference between IMPs and Matchpoints. That link is a formal explanation of the difference, but world champion bridge player Bob Hamman described it a bit more colorfully:

What is the difference between IMPs and Matchpoints? Who do you think were the two best heavyweights who ever fought? I don’t really care who you pick, but take those two fighters, both at the peak of their careers, put them in a ring and let them slug it out for 15 rounds. Whoever wins is the champ. That’s IMPs. Now take the same two fighters, blindfold them and tie one hand behind their backs. Divide the ring diagonally with a solid barrier and put a heavyweight on each side of the barrier. Now go down to the local tavern and collect 20 drunks. Place 10 drunks on each side of the ring and let the fighters go at it. Whoever knocks out his drunks first is the winner. That’s matchpoints!

I hope Wednesday’s results are a sign of things to come. Next week I plan on playing in an ACBL-wide charity game and then in several games in a sectional tournament with my regular partner. It would be nice to play consistently well during those games especially.

This afternoon on All Things Considered, I heard a story about Lincoln University which is planning to withhold the diplomas of a dozen graduating seniors this year if they do not complete an exercise course that is now required for all students with a body mass index above 30; they’re making the fat kids take a P.E. class.

James DeBoy, chair of the Department of Health, Physical Education and Recreation at Lincoln University, claims that this is because the university has a moral imperative to alert these students to the fact that being overweight is not healthy. I’d venture to guess they already know, considering the fact it is all but impossible to turn on a radio or a television, open a newspaper or browse a news website without coming across a story about the “obesity epidemic” and/or how to lose ten pounds before the next national holiday. Which is to say, not only does the university think these kids are fat, they also think they are stupid.

When confronted with the fact that Lincoln University itself bears some of the responsibility for the weight of these students by failing to consistently offer healthy options in its dining facilities, Mr. DeBoy began to hem, haw and finally bleat that Lincoln University is a H.B.U. and therefore is under-funded. My best guess is that “H.B.U.” stands for “Hugely Biased University”, but his comments do get to the heart of the matter no matter what he means by it. The fact is universities are businesses and this is another way to require (some) students to pay for yet another class. Colleges and universities have gradually made it more and more difficult, often nigh-on impossible, to graduate in a mere four years as a way of surreptitiously increasing their tuition. This is just another money-grab, plain and simple.

I would be a bit surprised if this policy manages to stand up in a court of law, but Lincoln University is a private institution so they can get away with terrible inequities, regardless I can tell you it is going to lose big time in the court of public opinion. I hope that students there opt to “vote with their feet”. This would be an excellent opportunity for any of the other many excellent schools in Pennsylvania to offer Lincoln University students, fat and thin alike, an opportunity to transfer over the winter break.

Addendum 5 December 2009:

Lincoln University has dropped the requirement for the class, and will instead recommend it to students who are deemed to “need it the most”.

I played in the regular “no stress” game tonight at the club, but my regular partner is off gallivanting with wood nymphs traveling for the upcoming holiday, so I played with a friend of mine instead. We were in first by one point leading into the last round during which we dropped into fourth. I spent most of the night passing with one actual Yarborough and a couple of near-Yarboroughs. (A “Yarborough” is a hand that contains no cards higher than a nine, and is named after the Earl of Yarborough who is said to have bet a thousand to one against the occurrence of such a hand — incidentally, he was right, the chances are 1827.0:1).

Bridge players are noted for a kind of ethnocentrism when it comes to the game, they readily and casually refer to it as “the best game in the world” as if this very subjective title were a matter of objective fact. Consequently, an awful lot of dumb things get said about bridge, usually in a context concerning the importance or significance of the game itself or, somewhat ironically, the intelligence of those who play it.

On Wednesday night I went to play at a club in the city. The crowd there is younger than the one at my bridge club. Prior to the game there was some discussion about various bidding issues and a man about my age stated, in all seriousness, that bridge was “the earliest role-playing game, like Dungeons & Dragons”. This is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard said about bridge, quite possibly, the dumbest. Both of these games can be played at a table, that’s the extent of the connection. It’s like saying, “Chess is the precursor to Yahtzee.” Still I found myself wondering about this statement, I ran it by my partner who was also stumped. Perhaps I ought to have asked the speaker what he meant, but it was so random that, after commenting that it was dumbest thing I’d ever heard, I sat there searching for something like a link between the two in silence. For now, it will have to remain a mystery. I think it is telling that he did not attempt to defend this position.

Daniel directed my attention to this video:

I had no idea water moved that way.

Author’s Note: Writing this entry I find myself confronted with the fact that writing about bridge for the uninitiated is very difficult. I am thinking about attempting a concise description of how the game is played, but it will be a challenge.

My long-suffering partner was in rare form tonight. First there was the overcall he made with a single HCP with a six card suit to the jack. To give you some context, an overcall is a bid made after the opening bid by the opponents (or “over” the opening bidder), and it is generally agreed to be a good suit with five plus cards in it and at least six points (though some will argue it should be a good suit and at least eight points). Having only four cards for an overcall is controversial, though some very good players endorse it in certain specific situations. At any rate, a good suit is not six cards to the jack. Still the end result of that hand was pretty good as we kept the opponents out of a slam.

Please bear in mind what I said above about what constitutes an overcall bid, later he overcalled a three card spade suit with about four HCP none of which were in spades. I was sitting there with the ace, queen, jack and two smaller spades and got very excited at this development. “Knowing” that we had ten cards in the suit I bid to the four level, luckily our opponents went on to five of their suit which was an un-makeable contract, but you can imagine my surprise when the dummy came down with four spades including the king which would have meant he overcalled with only four small spades, only then to have the declarer follow suit which meant he had overcalled with only three. The mind boggles.

Both of these bids by him amused me greatly when I realized what was going on, which is one of the reasons I so enjoy playing with him. He’s aggressive but only in reasonable situations. In both of these cases we were not vulnerable and I had already passed so he knew that the opponents had a game or more. Though I almost always enjoy it, tonight was the most fun I’ve had playing bridge in awhile.

It seems that about half the people in my department are sick. Last night I had a co-worker swear to me that bronchitis is not contagious and while I admit that the actual inflammation of her bronchial tissue might not be, the virus or bacteria most likely causing it most certainly is. It is around this time of year my arrival at work is almost always immediately followed with ablutions that involve almost every surface I might subsequently touch and the generous use of Clorox® Disinfecting Wipes. This process is a bit hard on my hands, but I think it is worth it as a tenacious cold can, upon reaching me, become tonsillitis before you can say, “Gesundheit!” There are few things I hate more than having tonsillitis.

In my darker moments, I find myself entertaining thoughts about vaccines that are antithetical to my thoughts on personal liberty. I don’t really think that people should be forced to get vaccinated, but I really do wish people would take responsibility for their illness when they are sick and stay home. Of course, we’ll see if I still feel that way the next time I have a cold and want to play bridge at the club.

On Monday night at the bridge club, in spite of some hands that were complete disasters, my partner and I managed a third place finish. Monday nights are a “no stress” non-life masters game that we usually perform fairly well in. Then on Wednesday nights we get our heads handed to us by the better players or, perhaps I should say, I get our heads handed to us.

Last night I thought we were doing okay, pretty well even, certainly no obvious disasters. There was one hand which I should have opened, but failed to do so, and another in which taking the finesse would have made the contract. That second error is particularly galling because if the finesse hadn’t worked the result would have been roughly the same, so there was no excuse. Still, compared to Monday night it seemed like we were doing okay, but as it turns out we were not. We came in seventh overall and second in “Flight C”, but we really should have been first in “Flight C” — not making either of those mistakes would have landed us there at least. If I find myself frustrated by this result, I’ve no doubt my partner is more so since he wasn’t the one who made those errors.

I’ve been working my way through a set of manufactured flash cards on the play of the hand. I am terribly amused by the author’s use of the phrase, “… then there is no hope.” For example, “If East has the queen, then there is no hope.” I’ve found when working my way through them, that dealing out the cards shown in the diagram makes it much easier for me to figure out the correct solution. I’m not sure why I am having a hard time visualizing all of the possible outcomes without this visual aid, but I hope to learn the material in this way. I worry that I am going to hit a definite limit to my abilities and that it will be at such a point to have made this not a particularly good investment of my time and effort. I don’t want to be a good bridge player, I want to be great which is going to entail an awful lot of hard work on my part. I would hate to find at some point that I just don’t have the capacity to play at that level, but only time will tell.

I went to go see the film, “The Men who Stare at Goats” tonight. While there I saw a preview for a new Mel Gibson action flick entitled, “Edge of Darkness”. I’m quite baffled over one line of dialogue included at the very end of the trailer where one is sure not to miss it: Mel Gibson angrily saying, “You had better decide whether you’re hangin’ on the cross… or bangin’ in the nails.” Considering Mr. Gibson’s history with making antisemitic remarks, it seems like a strange choice to have his character saying this at all, much less using it in the trailer — especially since it is such a throwaway line. Either someone has a strange sense of humor or this just slipped by an awful lot of people.

My favorite film version of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” is “The Muppet Christmas Carol“.

But bear with me for a moment when I suggest the following: Aleister “The Wickedest Man in the World” Crowley as Scrooge. Neither Alastair Sim nor Mr. Magoo would stand a chance.